My Own Worst Enemy

"Listen to my words as they come out wrong..."

I'll be honest. HA. Honesty? What a JOKE.

No, but seriously. I've been beating myself up a lot lately. I've always done this, but it's become worse lately. And things in life aren't exactly helping. (Are they ever?) Anyways, I've drawn several pictures on my phone to demonstrate a tiny bit of how my life has been an endless cycle lately.

If you like pictures... you'll love me in about 5 minutes.

First, let me say: I WANT people to laugh at this. Or at least smile.

Normally I start out normal. Makes sense, right?

Well lately, I've been starting out sad. Or slightly sad at least. Or easily saddened. Whatever. It's like this.

But now that bad things or sad thing continue to happen... and everything else is still the same... I've been sad.

And more sad...

It gotten pretty rough. It's like 3 in the morning every time that I'm crying and I'm alone and I've got all these sad movies and songs. I was torturing myself. I even almost got to the point that I thought I was going to drown in my own tears of sorrow and self-pity.

At one point, I forced myself to watch The Tourist... just because I know for a fact that it is a terrible film. The first time I watched it, I literally called the ending in the first 10 minutes of the movie.

One of the things that bummed me out even more was the fact that I had a fight with someone that I would never in my life intentionally hurt. I would do anything and everything for her... but apparently that wasn't enough? And wasn't reciprocated. Or something, whatever. The point of me mentioning this isn't to call her out or whatever immature thing people do online nowadays. I'm simply including this as a way to further make fun of myself.

So we had our fight on Skype. In reality, the conversation went like this.

To ME, in my land of pitifulness, it sorta looked like this:

It got to the point that I debated standing in a corner and just wasting my life away like a loser.

Like this.

Yes, I'm not wearing any pants.

This is my picture. I don't have to draw pants if I don't want to.

What else am I supposed to be in? A dress? Oh, please.

Also, the Corner of Failure has no room for pants. Pants are only for dignified people with loads of self confidence.

So, naturally, the me-inside-of-me started to talk to me.

Yes, that is the me-inside-of-me that is drawn here. --->

Me: (sigh)

Me-inside-of-me: "Hey, are you okay?"

No answer.

Me-inside-of-me: "Seriously? You're so pitiful that you can't even answer yourself now? Oh wow. You've crossed the line, buddy."

Still no answer.

Me-inside-of-me: (somewhat concerned)

"Oh yeah? Well... Um... How can I make you feel better? You're still Asian, right? Come on, cheer up. No one can take your Asian-ness away from you.

You're like the sun! With happy rays of sunshine!"

Still no answer.

At this point, since I didn't respond, the me-inside-of-me started get kind of hateful and mean...

Me-inside-of-me: "You know what? FINE. You be that way. I'll just sit here and make fun of you. Like I said, you're Asian.

And you're like the sun!

That's positive, right?

WRONG.

YOU'RE JUST LIKE THE SUN -- YOU'RE YELLOW, YOU SUCK, AND NO ONE LIKES TO LOOK AT YOUR FOR MORE THAN A SPLIT SECOND."

I was too sad to respond. You can't see it now, but the corner is drying my tears of useless self-pity.

I start to ignore my me-inside-of-me... and she gets more and more angry.

Me-inside-of-me: "Okay, that was kind of mean. I take it back. Do you want to see something really sad though? It's rather awful.

GO GET A MIRROR, LOSER.

HAHAHA AND NO, I DON'T ACTUALLY TAKE THE JOKE BACK. IF I COULD, I WOULD GO BACK IN TIME... JUST TO SAY IT TO YOU AGAIN.

What are you going to do?

Cry about it?

TOO LATE."

Me-inside-of-me: (suddenly different)

Okay, I really am sorry...

I'll make it better.

Here's a fortune cookie as a truce.

I'll even open it up for you and read you the fortune since your eyes are all watery and filled with tears.

Me-inside-of-me: (continued) "Ahem. Your fortune says:

You will soon be given an award!...

THE AWARD FOR THE BIGGEST LOSER IN THE HISTORY OF LOSERVILLE WHERE ONLY THE LOSIEST LOSERS RESIDE.

Oh, well. At least you still have your cookie?

WRONG AGAIN, IDIOT.

I ALREADY CRUSHED IT ALL. NOW IT REFLECTS WHAT THE SORRY THING YOU CALL YOUR SOUL LOOKS LIKE.

Then from there, it just all went downhill...

Me: (sniffle)

Me-inside-of-me: "Aww... wait, are you... are you CRYING right now?"

Me: "...maybe......."

Me-inside-of-me: "That's just so.... STUPID. WAY TO GO, GENIUS."

Me: "Shut up! I can cry if I want to!"

Me-inside-of-me: "WOW, REALLY? REALLY. YOU ALREADY SEEM TO HAVE A HARD TIME SEEING BECAUSE YOU'RE 'EYES' ARE SO DANG SQUINTY. Now you're... CRYING? GREAT. NOW YOU REALLY CAN'T SEE. Why don't you just go sing a sad song, Stevie Wonder.

Oh wait,

NO ONE CARES.

You'll probably sound like a dying whale stuck in sand anyways.

Like Seabiscuit."

Me: "But... but... that doesn't even make any... Seabiscuit was a hors--"

Me-inside-of-me: "IT DOESN'T MATTER. IT'S DEAD. JUST LIKE YOUR SOUL."

So! I hope you've enjoyed my pictures that demonstrate the vicious, endless cycle in my life! Okay, the main reason I did this was because I didn't want to do my homework for Econ. BUT, I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did while making it. If you know anything about me, you should know that I like making people laugh. So, this is not something that I made so people would feel all sad. Like I said, I WANTED people to laugh at this. Or at least smile.

Tell Me a Story

"Tell me a story."

It's such a simple sentence. It almost comes across as a question, a request.

There are good story-tellers and bad experience-sharers in life.

For example:

Great -- "Once upon a time, in a far away land, there was a little girl named Snow White... (-a while later-) and they lived happily ever after!"

Good -- "One time, my mom and I were swimming... (-10 minutes later-) and then she just punched the shark! Like right then and there! In the face! It was pretty cash."

Bad -- "Well, I woke up this morning and... (-5 minutes later-) then I got to school... (-5 more minutes later-) and then I wore my favorite scarf that my mom got me... (-3 and a half periods later-) and then I saw Mel. And she looked AMAZING. I think I'm going to marry her. Or Victoria... then again, I've ALWAYS had a thing for Emily. My life is just sooo much harder than everyone else's. Why does no one love me? Waaaah."

Terrible -- "Did I ever tell you about that one time when I told a story about telling a story?" ...What?

Offensive -- "Okay, FINE. I'll tell you a story. ... Once upon a time, there was an... Asian giraffe named Becky. She lived in the land of Ding Dong. Annnnddd..." "No."

So,

I'm tired of blogging about useless things that are going on PRESENTLY, so I've decided to tell YOU a story.

How this will end depends on how I feel as I finish eating my ice cream. Oh, shut up. You're just jealous that I get to sit here and wallow in self-pity. ...Actually, I'm just rather bored is all.

Have I ever told you about the time Kelsey turned into an angora rabbit?

Or the time I gave birth to myself?

Oh, yeah. Probably not. Because that NEVER HAPPENED. That's the beauty of story-telling. Not all stories are real. Especially the ones that are written on bathroom stalls.

Like, "i cant bleive dat u call her fatt. we all kno it wuz u who started that shet so quite gettin all up in my grill gurl." or something to that effect. I mean, come on. Girl, please. We all know that Shajaneshiequiasandra was the one spreading rumors about herself. (Try to pronounce that, I dare you.)

Anyways, this is the story. Of a girl. Named Hecky Ban. What an original name.

Wow, she looks disgusting.

Random sidetrack... I went to Facebook to get this photo, and I didn't notice this in the comments until today. Kelsey, can you please explain to me what this means?

I'm not really sure.

Anyways, this girl... you know what, no. I'm not going to sit here and write a story. If you want to hear one, come find me. Or read a random story and replace the character's name with mine.

Might I suggest this one?

Or this one:

Either way, I'm too lazy to type out a story. So go ahead. Make up a story. Better yet, live everyday to the fullest and write YOUR own story. You decide what happens with your life. You're not happy? Fine. Then do something about it. Change it. Don't just watch everything pass by you -- then wish that it had happened differently. At the same time, don't live in the past. Once it's written, it can't be undone. BUT, that doesn't mean that the entire story has to end that way. Each mistake is a chapter, not an ending. Until you're satisfied, don't ever close your book. The possibilities are endless. Numerous blank pages await you. Don't end your story just yet. Live TODAY. Change TODAY as it's happening. Don't expect tomorrow to fix today. Don't let yesterday ruin today. Okay, I'm done now.

Lastly, I want to take the time to wish Emily Ann Arnold a happy 18th birthday. Here's a picture of her:

You think she looks good in this picture? You should see her smile. You haven't seen anything yet.