The Art of Women

I thought that this would be a fun list to make, mainly because I just finished discussing this topic with several girls and female youth pastors after church earlier tonight.

SO,

ALL OF THE THINGS THAT EVERY GUY OR GIRL SHOULD KNOW ABOUT GIRLS:

(That's such a long title...)

1. Girls are NOT always right. They just happen to always be right... until they themselves realize that they are wrong. Then it's okay for us to be wrong. But until then, you are WRONG.

2. If two girls are arguing with one another, and are on opposite sides, don't get involved -- unless you can somehow magically prove that they're both right. Then, by all means, jump in.

3. If a girl ever takes off her earrings saying that she's mad at you, and she's being serious... RUN. Or go ahead and call 911. Whichever one is more convenient for you.

4. Girls will call a miniature version of anything adorable. That baby walrus? CUTE. That tiny little mini-safety pin that can hold absolutely nothing and serves virtually no purpose? PRECIOUS.

5. If girls are ever hungry, don't be in their way. They're either going to eat the chocolate or whatever, or they're going to eat you. So, either you find them whatever they want to eat, or... yeah. Your choice. Also, if they have a craving, don't ask questions. Just go with it.

6. If a girl chooses to rant to you, whether you agree with them or not, LET HER FINISH. Even if you aren't really listening, NOD YOUR HEAD. Chances are: if she's really ranting, she doesn't actually want to hear what you have to say. She just wants someone to listen. Once she's finished, tell her everything that she wants to hear.

7. All girls love surprises, even if they say that they hate them.

8. If a girl is crying, don't just stare at her like she's a zombie. This is pretty much common sense. Either punch your tear ducts and start crying with her, or just hold her without looking at her.

9. Even if she's your best friend, you can still offend her. Saying "no offense" does not justify negative comments. For example: saying, "No offense, Sally... But you look like you got run over by an extremely long freight train after getting into a fight with King Kong today." will probably offend her. Even if she is wearing your clothes. There are other ways to say insensitive things to sensitive girls.

10. I don't care how close you two are. If you greet your "best girlfriend" with the phrase, "Hey, prostitute. I love you!" -- you have a problem. "Skank" is not an "okay" nickname... even if her first name is Skankishenaia.

11. Every girl is beautiful in her own way and deserves to be happy. Truly happy. And you better believe that she is proud to be a female.